The Road To Motherhood
Name: Nydia Rodriguez
Occupation: Reading Teacher
Number of Children: 2
When did you realize you wanted to become a mother?
I have always known I wanted to be a mother. As a teen I was always in charge of helping with my brothers and cousins. I always had a kid or two in tow. That motherly instinct was always with me. But before starting a family, I wanted to be financially stable. I waited until I had my career and a house. I had always said that I was not going to have a baby after I was 34 years old. Then I found out I had infertility and everything changed.
What were the difficulties you faced?
Trying to start a family on your own is not easy. I first had the difficulty of being single. To be able to go through with this dream, I had to find a donor. The fertility clinic gives you the websites for donors and you search through profiles to pick what you consider right for you. We then enter the financial part. Infertility is expensive. In this journey, I began with going through with IUI (Intrauterine insemination). The first clinic I was with indicated that there was nothing major wrong with me and I should get pregnant through IUI. Each IUI was close to $4,000-$5,000 and I had 5 before I put my foot down. Each one was a fail and I would have to start the cycle again.
I decided to try IVF (In Vitro) and went through two cycles. The first cycle of IVF costing close to $17,000 and the second cycle costing close to $8,000. People not understanding was hard as well. Infertility is something that people just don’t understand. I had a lot of people passing judgement on me because they didn’t agree with me. I also lost a lot of friendships for the same reason. It is really sad that your dream would cost you your friends but at the end of the day, if they can’t support you, are they really your friends?
Tell us about your highs and lows during this tough road?
The whole journey was a high and low. Mentally and physically challenging. I spent 5 years of my life living through weekly/monthly ultrasounds, labs, medications, shots, and pregnancy tests. The pregnancy symptoms only to find out that the test was negative. I had my first IVF done in 2017. I used my egg and a sperm donor. I found out 11 days after my transfer that it had worked and I was pregnant. As the weeks passed, I realized something was wrong. I never stopped spotting. When I was 6 weeks pregnant I went to the ER for massive blood loss. I was told it was a missed miscarriage. Everything was fine. When I went to the fertility clinic they confirmed baby was fine. I was scared and didn’t tell anyone until Christmas day. Everyone was so excited. December 26 is a day I will never forget. I had an ultrasound that day. When i get to the OB, she didn’t want to do an ultrasound because “they were packed.” I let her know that I didn’t mind waiting. I waited for 1.5 hours to be seen. The tech started the ultrasound and was quiet. After so many years getting these done, I know what was on the screen. I held my breath. She says she is getting the Dr. and as she walks out my goddaughter who was with me asks what’s going on. I look at her and say, the baby isn’t moving. The tech comes back alone and says “well, you know what i am looking for right? And I can’t find it.” I am taken to an office where the OB comes in and her first words are “well you know why you are here. The baby doesn’t have a heartbeat. You have 3 options: a pill to pass the baby at home. Let nature run its course or a D and C .”
She refused to do the D&C before January 4th so I left and got my fertility Dr. to do it by December 29th. All I could do leaving the office was scream and cry. How did my baby just not have a heartbeat. I felt alone, tired, overwhelmed, like puking, all in one. Come to find out a month later that I had lost a daughter who I named Mia Rose and she passed away because she had Trisomy 18. Nothing prepares you for this. For a loss of something you wanted so bad. How you had it and it just slipped through you fingers.
March of 2018 I decided to try again, but this time IVF with embryo adoption. Interesting enough, I paid for the treatment at 8 am and 9 am I receive a call from DCF that they had an 11 year old girl for me to adopt. I decided to look into this adoption. I also adopted the embryo and it was transferred. Eight days after the transfer, I felt dizzy and took a test, it was positive. I was pregnant again! Going through this pregnancy was hard as well. In all honesty, I didn’t feel attached to the baby. I was always scared I was going to lose the baby. I didn’t buy anything. I didn’t make a big announcement. I would go to the Dr. or hospital for anything and everything. In the middle of this all, I was going through the adoption of my preteen. I met her and we decided to be a family. I had said to myself, “If God wants it to be this way, it will happen.” Both happened. I was becoming a mom to a then 12 year old girl and I was pregnant with a boy. It is funny how things work out. Months before I had nothing, I lost it all. Few months later I was double blessed.
Mental Health is a difficult topic. How did you manage to keep going?
In the mix of so many failed cycles I suffered from depression and anxiety. I did seek help and I advise anyone going through this to get help as well. My family and close friends were my rock. My faith in God was what had me going. I knew that if he permitted both things to fall through, he was not going to fail me. You now have two children.
What’s it like juggling two kids?
Two kids is no joke hahaha! My daughter is officially a teen! She just turned 13. My son is currently 4 months old. At first my daughter went through some jealous moments, like any kid would. But I included her in every decision for her brother and this helped a lot. Once he was born, she just fell in love with him. They have a bond beyond compare. He sees her or hears her and he goes crazy talking to her and smiling at her. You can truly see that he loves her as well. Everything was an adjustment, but well worth it.
What advice would you give others who aspires to have children?
Do not give up. I was told over and over that it was not going to happen and look at me now! My children are my most beautiful blessing. I wouldn’t change my journey because out of all the trials and tears, I got them!